What to Say Instead of “Don’t Hit!”

When a young child hits, our first instinct is often to say, “Don’t hit!” But sometimes it helps to have a few other phrases ready to use.

WHY do children hit?  Hitting is often a way young children communicate when they don’t yet have the skills to handle a big feeling or difficult situation.

A child might hit because they are:

• Angry or frustrated
• Having trouble using words
• Trying to get a toy
• Upset about having to wait
• Feeling overwhelmed
• Trying to get someone’s attention
• Tired, hungry, or overstimulated
• Still learning how to control their impulses

Here is a list of simple “Don’t hit” alternatives that can help you respond to hitting while teaching children what they can do instead.

Hopefully, these simple phrases give you some new ideas to add to your teacher toolbox!

I won’t let you hit. Hands stay safe. Show me safe hands. Hands are for helping. Keep your hands to yourself. Let’s use gentle hands. Hitting hurts. That’s not safe. I’m going to help you. I can’t let you hurt your friend. Let’s take a break. Take a breath. Let’s calm our bodies. You’re angry. I can help. It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to be mad. It’s not okay to hurt. Tell me what happened. Tell me what you need. Ask me for help. Come get me if you need help. Say, “Please stop.” Say, “I don’t like that.” Say, “I need space.” Say, “I’m not finished.” Ask for a turn.

Tell your friend what you need. Let’s find a solution. Let’s figure this out. Let’s try that again. Show me another way. What could you do instead? What can your hands do instead? Let’s find a safe choice. You can stomp your feet. You can squeeze this. You can take some space. You can come sit with me. You can ask for a hug. You can use your hands to help. Let’s practice gentle hands. Show me how to touch gently. Let’s keep everyone safe. I see you’re frustrated. I know you’re upset. That was a big feeling. Your body needs a break. Let’s get your body calm. I’m here to help. We can work this out. You have other choices. Let’s find one.

---

Amazon Picks and Resources: